i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
