he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
