you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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