I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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