i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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