and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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