Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
