jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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