I wish I could punch you in the face.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
