whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
