Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
