Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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