I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
