it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
