chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
