My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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