No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
