i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
