Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
