Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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