They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
