Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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