I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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