What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
