we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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