Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
