he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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