maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my shit smells like andre
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
