just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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