before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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