Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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