I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
