oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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