I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
