I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
