Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
