i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How does one acquire holy water?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
