i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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