I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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