Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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