is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
