i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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