420 ftw
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
