i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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