whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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