My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
