I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
