we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
