so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
