i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
