well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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